Cat Bereavement
Cat Bereavement. Losing a beloved cat can be one of the most heart-wrenching experiences a pet parent endures. Cats are more than just pets; they are companions, confidants, and cherished family members. When a cat passes away, the grief can feel overwhelming, leaving a profound emptiness in the lives of their human companions. For many, the loss of a cat is as devastating as losing a close friend or relative. In these moments, seeking support becomes crucial to navigating the pain and finding a path toward healing.
Death of a Pet
Why the Death of a Pet (or Any Love) Feels Like You’re Losing Your Mind.
You are losing your mind. The mind you had when you and your beloved pet shared life together. Any deep loss, whether it’s a job, a pet, a partner, a friendship, or health, scrambles the brain’s landscape like no other event, except perhaps a near-death experience. This is often what deep grief feels like, and it’s unsurprising. Your reality, the life you shared with the being you loved with all your heart – is no more. It’s shattered. Your life was built around that deeply loving relationship. How you spoke, your actions, your routines, from mealtimes to litter box changes, dog walks, travel, sleeping together, laughing, and sharing – everything you did over the years is gone. Pity the poor mind. The neurons in your body and brain come undone. This connection is no different from the bond spouses or partners share. These roles are embedded in our psychophysical makeup, and when the connection is severed by death, something akin to madness sets in. There is confusion, a void, anger, disorientation, uncontrollable tears. No wonder you feel like you’re losing your mind. But it’s deep grief playing havoc with you! The panic of the loss, the loss of your embedded reality, feels like you’ve lost your mind. And in a way, you have.
When an arm or leg is amputated, the brain and body act as though the limb is still there. You know the limb is gone, but your mind refuses to accept it. You try to use it. Move it. Reach with it. Behave as though it were still there. Loss is like that. Reconciling two realities can be maddening. Psychology Today discusses this phenomenon in their article *How the Brain Rewires When We Grieve*. How long does it take for the brain and body to accept that the world you knew no longer exists? Or to acknowledge the beloved is no longer here when you feel they are still with you? The mind cries out, “You’re here, as you always were! I’m doing what I’ve been trained to do – peeling an orange, holding your hand, talking with you.” But the loved one is gone, and the mind struggles to accept this new reality.
The end of any loving relationship feels like an amputation. You’ve lived that loving, connected relationship for so long that your mind keeps looking, hoping. You might dress for the job you no longer have, call the friend who has passed, feed the pet who’s gone. Your mind keeps doing what has given life meaning, even though it knows the reality has changed. Pity the heart, too – although the heart has a mysterious capacity for regeneration. The mind isn’t quite the same. The heart understands in ways the mind never will, setting up a conflict. The mind does what it knows, but the heart breaks, and this is why, at Animal Talks, we believe loss and grief are not purely mental health issues – they are issues of the heart and spirit.
After loss, we feel like a car in neutral with the engine racing – the motor runs, but we go nowhere. The conflict between the heart and mind, between new and old reality, makes us feel like we’re going crazy. We are hardwired to connect, and when that connection is ruptured, the mind and body cling to old, familiar pathways, leaving us feeling lost. How long will this craziness last? Time is needed. Layering the mind with new life experiences, new connections, allows a new reality to take hold in our hearts and minds. Grief lasts as long as love does. As David Kessler teaches, “How long will the being you love be dead?” Grief lasts that long.
So, how do we help the brain accept the new reality? In *The Grieving Brain*, Dr. Mary Frances O’Connor offers insights into how the brain must come to terms with the loss and how to imagine a future without the beloved. How? By living – until we come alive again. New memories, new neural patterns, new life experiences, like the irritating sand particle that becomes a pearl inside an oyster, will slowly form. We honor the love we lost; we don’t move on from it. We accept death, feel the pain, allow ourselves to go crazy with grief, but we also take grief breaks. We get into nature, we find ways to remember and memorialize our beloved. Slowly, new life overlays the old. New neurons fire. A new reality takes shape. We are forever changed by the love we lost. The grief remains, but it softens. The more we actively grieve, the easier it is to move forward – with hope.
Kaleel (Rev K) is one of the country’s few ordained Animal Chaplains and nondenominational Pastoral Counselors. He is an advanced credentialed grief counselor and certified pet loss and bereavement therapist. His work in the field of Loss and Grief, especially Pet Loss and Grief, has earned him recognition from The Washington Post, People Magazine, New York Time, Los Angeles Times, and other major media. He is a “thought leader” in the emerging field of the animal-human bond studies, and a practicing therapist. Rev K can be reached at animaltalksinc.com and be booked for therapy sessions via Petworks.
Will I Meet My Pet in Heaven
Thoughts on Pet Bereavement and Heaven for Pets. Last week, I received a call from someone who had just euthanized his beloved pet. The conversation was filled with long, emotional silences punctuated by sobs. Eventually, he found the strength to ask, “Rev K, will I see my cat, Boots, in heaven? Do you think there’s a heaven for pets? And will she be with my mom, who passed away but loved Boots all her life?”
